And the stars fell
by Jessica12
Summary: Scully angst - A phone call that breaks two hearts


Title: And the stars fell (1/1)  
  
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )  
  
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category: Scully angst, V, AU,   
  
Spoiler: None  
  
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where  
  
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se  
  
Summary: A phone call that breaks two hearts...Oh..JUST read it!:)   
  
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX   
  
and they are not mine.  
  
Note: In this universe Scully never gave William up for adoption.  
  
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
  
mistakes may occur.  
  
***************************'  
  
"Dearest one, when I am dead  
  
Never seek to follow me.  
  
Never mount the quiet hill  
  
Where the copper leaves are still,  
  
As my heart is, on the tree  
  
Standing at my narrow bed.  
  
Only of your tenderness,  
  
Pray a little prayer at night.  
  
Say: "I have forgiven now-  
  
I, so weak and sad; O Thou,  
  
Wreathed in thunder, robed in light,  
  
Surely Thou wilt do no less."  
  
(Poem called "Prayer for a Prayer" by: Dorothy Parker )  
  
***************************  
  
And the stars fell (1/1)  
  
by: Jessica  
  
***************************  
  
I guess I should move.  
  
I should go about my day as usual.  
  
At least that's what they said.  
  
But I'm afraid to move.  
  
The silence of this house calms my already distraught heart.  
  
The only thing that pierces the silence is the sound   
  
of my own breathing.  
  
Outside my window the dark has already devoured the sun.  
  
The stars have been thrown clear across the sky by some unseen hand.  
  
I can almost see them from where I am sitting.  
  
When I was a child I used to stand under the dark sky and try  
  
to count the stars.  
  
It gave me a sense of calm, a joy that I can't describe.  
  
I have been staring at the phone on the wall for hours now.  
  
It feels like days.  
  
I know what is to come.  
  
I can feel it coming.  
  
I'm ready.  
  
I have prepared myself.  
  
I have prepared my already bleeding heart.  
  
How do you prepare for that kind of pain?  
  
I guess you don't.  
  
You just let it happen.  
  
Because there is nothing you can do to stop it from happening.  
  
I know that now.  
  
Believe me, I have tried.  
  
To stop it.  
  
But I can't.  
  
I know that now.  
  
I know that I should be there with him.  
  
But I can't.  
  
That would be the death of me.  
  
And I can't die.  
  
I have to survive.  
  
I just have to.  
  
For our child.  
  
For William.  
  
Soon they will call.  
  
Soon that phone will ring and someone I don't know will  
  
give me the news.  
  
They will tell me what I already know.  
  
That he is dead.  
  
They say that he only has days left now.  
  
Maybe only hours.  
  
I should be with him.  
  
I should cling to that last remaining breath that shimmers out  
  
from his already torn body.  
  
But I can't.  
  
I have tried to pray.  
  
I have talked to god and asked him for an answer.  
  
But all he is given me is silence.  
  
I have even screamed to the heavens a plea to take me instead.  
  
But all I get is silence.  
  
Somebody up there isn't listening.  
  
I rise from my kitchen table.  
  
My legs feel weak as I dare to move.  
  
I move to the sink to get myself a glass of water.  
  
My hands tremble a bite as I fill a glass.  
  
The sounds of the phone ringing pierce the silence of this house.  
  
I lose my grip of the glass and it falls to the floor and shatters.  
  
My heart stops in my chest.  
  
A scream is lodged in my head.  
  
NOT YET! I'M NOT READY!   
  
I reach for the phone.  
  
"Scully."  
  
Silence meets me.  
  
At first.  
  
I can't breathe.  
  
I won't breathe  
  
"Scully?"  
  
Skinner.  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"They couldn't save him."  
  
With those words I died.  
  
"Ohh..."  
  
I knew.  
  
I'm a doctor.  
  
I know everything about this kind of things.  
  
I should have been prepared.  
  
"He's gone, Scully. I'm so sorry."  
  
BUT I'M NOT READY! I'M NOT READY FOR GOD'S SAKE. I CAN'T LET  
  
HIM GO! NOT YET!!! NOT NOW!  
  
But I remain my calm self.  
  
"Thank you..."  
  
I can't remember what he said after that.  
  
Everything is a blur after that.  
  
All I can remember is clinging to the phone like it could  
  
save me from the worlds of pain.  
  
I stand there in my kitchen clinging to a phone.  
  
While my heart shatters into millions of tiny pieces.  
  
"Mum?"  
  
The world comes back with his voice.  
  
He is standing in the doorway.  
  
The sound of the phone ringing must have awakened him.  
  
He is dressed in his pajamas.  
  
Holding his favorite teddy bear.  
  
The one his father gave him.  
  
I hang up the phone and look at him now.  
  
William.  
  
My son.  
  
"Was it the hospital? Was it about daddy?"  
  
He is only ten.  
  
Ten going on thirty.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He is coming home, isn't he?"  
  
I can't do this now.  
  
I want to run.  
  
I need to get myself together.  
  
To pick my heart up from the ground.  
  
Before I shatter his.  
  
I move towards him.  
  
I kneel down in front of him.  
  
He looks at me with those eyes.  
  
Green.  
  
He has his father's eyes.  
  
I die.  
  
"No, honey..."  
  
"But..."  
  
Tears.  
  
Tears make his eyes darker as he looks at me.  
  
"William, honey...Daddy isn't coming home."  
  
"But you said.."  
  
"Yes, I know what I said. But I was wrong."  
  
"I don't understand..."  
  
"Daddy..He died today.."  
  
"No..No.."  
  
I wrap my arms around him.  
  
My little boy.  
  
He is so fragile in my arms.  
  
I hold him while he cries.  
  
While his heart suffers the pain.  
  
I know I will have to explain to him.  
  
But not now.  
  
Not this way.  
  
Now I will hold him.  
  
And pray that I will find a way to ease his pain.  
  
And a way to let go of a man that I have loved for   
  
so long.  
  
Outside my window a star fell from the darkened sky.  
  
********************************  
  
Feedback j_rothen@yahoo.se 


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